8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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