Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
