maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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