I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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