If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
