Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
