There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
