This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
