Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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