so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize