he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
