best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
