just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
