oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
