so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
