You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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