Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
