i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
