OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
