just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
