five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
