i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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