she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
