I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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