I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
