jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
