woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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