Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
