You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
