Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize