just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
