Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
