I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
