the condom got lost in my hair
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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