Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
