I CAN MOONWALK!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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