You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
pray to the hookup gods
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize