You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
