I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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