dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
