dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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