Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
