she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
