Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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