I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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