listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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