what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
