i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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