i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize