I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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