I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
