I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
