just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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