I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
