I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
