I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
