Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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