the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
