The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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