I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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