Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
