It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
