just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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