Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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