garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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