I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
